


cheers, to love, to hate, to race, to you

by haikyall



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Goodbyes, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Suicide, hanahaki disease (mentioned)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-07
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:20:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27350365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haikyall/pseuds/haikyall
Summary: Who knew the sun could be so noisy?
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Hinata Shouyou/Miya Atsumu, Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Comments: 17
Kudos: 72





	cheers, to love, to hate, to race, to you

**Author's Note:**

> the sequel literally no one asked for.
> 
> See [It's Snowing](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24842017) for Sakusa's view

Glistening under the moonlight is the lake that they stand upon. Hinata throws little, minuscule pieces of rock on the lake to see if it skips, unfortunately, most of his attempts sink the moment it lands on the water. Kageyama, who is at a farther distance from the lake, is simply staring at the disruption of waves caused by Hinata’s rock-throwing, admiring how the moonlight dances with the waves as it gracefully tries to calm itself down.

“You’re never gonna get it right, boke” Kageyama mentions, and Hinata lights up.

“You never know till you try, Bakageyama!” Hinata throws his power duo partner his signature smile in a tone Kageyama is too used to hearing.

The orange-haired boy then starts to wonder as to how exactly is he going to get Kageyama to be more interested, “Or, maybeeeee… you’re just too chicken. Are you a chicken Bakageyama? chICKEN CHICKEN CHICKENNNNN KAGEYAMAAAA” Hinata taunts the setter in a sing-song manner and it annoys Kageyama.

“WHAT? NO! I AM NOT A CHICKEN!”

Hinata shrugs, “Seems like to me, you are,”

Steam blows out of Kageyama’s ears and nose, with a clenched fist he goes to where Hinata stands and grabs a rock. “I’LL SHOW YOU WHAT A CHICKEN IS, how does this thing work?” He says while fiddling with the little rock.

_ Hah, it worked _

“HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAH— OW, BAKAGEYAMAAAA” Hinata exclaims as he whines about the new source of pain, his neck.

“HINATAAAAA BOKEEEEE” Kageyama screams back. Hinata looks on to his setter who was grumbling the entire time he has attempted to throw a rock, grunts getting a teensy bit louder as the rocks sink into the lake, its vision slowly disappearing. 

Hinata giggles, Kageyama hears this and looks at the giggling boy, heat crawls up to his face and instantly looks away.

“A-are yoU JUST GOING TO STARE OR ARE YOU GOING TO LET ME WIN?”

_ The sun shines when you’re looking at it. _

________

Kageyama sits on the bed in his room, mindlessly scrolling through his phone. He pays attention to the obnoxious amount of fans that drew him either playing volleyball or just being domestic. He also stops scrolling every once in a while to see what his close friends posted, liking some of them and posting them on his story to show support.

He then comes across a peculiar post, a folded banner, and a bouquet of sunflowers. He looks up to the account that post,  _ shoyohinata.  _ He lies down on his bed, invested. 

_ Who gave him flowers? Also, sunflowers? What's with the folded thing? Is it for a girl? Is it for a boy? Wait, the dumbass is gay… is it fROM A BOY?!?! 500,000 LIKES?!?! _

He reads the caption, and understand immediately. “ _ @miyatsumu11, thanks, tsum-tsum.” _

The setter smiles softly at the image, he notices how the comments are raging with endearing comments and how much they support the two, a comment from Atsumu himself, mutual friends of both Atsumu and Hinata, other people, fans, and relatives and so much more. Kageyama also decides to comment, he taps the comment section but is unsure of what to type.

_ What would Hinata want to read? _

“nice.”

_ The sun still shined when you weren’t looking at it. _

________

Kageyama wakes up to a phone call, he grumbles as who in the right mind would be awake at such an ungodly hour? He twists and turns to his bedside table, patting everywhere his hand can reach to find the familiar surface of his phone with his eyes closed, trying to get some last-minute shut-eye as he finds the source of the ringing sound. 

The setter gets annoyed and finally opens his eyes to see his phone isn’t at the bedside table as it was supposed to be. Kageyama flips the deranged pillows and crumpled-up blanket for the phone, it’s not on his bed either. 

He scrambles to even more frantic movements, aware that he might miss the call anytime now. The blueberry boy gets out from his bed and looks under his bed, where a vibrating, and illuminating black box sits and vibrates. 

He reaches for the phone and sees Atsumu is trying to call him, Kageyama answers the call.

“Hello?”

“Ah, Tobio-kun! It’s been a long time!” Kageyama puts the phone between his cheek and his shoulder as he tries to tidy up his room from the panic he had gone through to answer the phone.

“Atsumu-senpai, what is it?” He answers back, fluffing a pillow.

“I need… uh… help” The setter raises his eyebrows at hearing this.

“Help? With what exactly?”

“I want to propose to Hinata” Kageyama put a halt to his actions, phone now held by his hand.

_ ah. _

“okay… why do you need my help on that?” Kageyama asks, not seeing how exactly he might help Atsumu on this one.

“Ya were his best friend, I need ya to be there,”

The setter puts a palm over his face, “Atsumu-senpai, that was when we were in high school,” he tries to reason with Atsumu, implying that this was a long time ago.

“I still need you to be there, you were significant to his too, ya know…”

There was silence on Kageyama’s end of the call, he doesn’t know if he should go. Would Hinata want to see him? What should he say? What should he wear? What would Hinata say?

“Hello? Tobio-kun?” Atsumu breaks both the silence and Kageyama’s thoughts.

“Text me the location and date,” Kageyama finally says.

_ The sun will shine brighter, I guess _

_ ________ _

Kageyama finally arrives at the location the other setter gave him and he sees all the familiar faces, the faces that brought him to be the volleyball player he is today. He has a small smile as he goes down memory lane the more he greets his former schoolmates, teammates, opponents, and friends.

Bokuto sees that Kageyama has arrived and taps on Atsumu’s back. Atsumu grabs something, turns around, and greets Kageyama, “Tobio-kun! Ya came!!”

“You called,” He simply answers, the concise and brief answer makes Atsumu smile.

“So, here’s the thing, ya have to give him this orange and give him a little hint, will ya? And on my signal, I’ll line ya guys up got it?” Atsumu gives the other setter a small orange, Kageyama processes the instructions. He soon nods and takes the orange.

“Sure,” 

Atsumu smiles and pats his shoulder whispering a small saying of gratitude, goes back to organizing the whole event.

Kageyama walks towards his teammate, Ushijima.

“Hello, Kageyama,” The ace greets, Kageyama nods.

“Hello, Ushijima,”

“Would you like an onigiri?” Ushijima offers a spare onigiri that was sitting on a small Tupperware, along with his orange that was sitting on one of his hand, while holding a half-eaten onigiri on the other. 

“Yes,” Kageyama receives the onigiri Ushijima gave and starts to munch on it. They both eat in comfortable silence till Hoshiumi comes into the scene.

Hoshiumi waves, “Hello, Kageyama~”

“Hello, Hoshiumi”

“You excited?” The seagull-like teammate asks.

Kageyama gulps and stares at the onigiri he was eating a second ago, “I feel happy, for the two of them,”

Hoshiumi scrunches his face “Huh? You don’t look happy,” He says in a taunting tone. Kageyama internally panics.

“J-just a bit t-tired, that’s all” The setter quickly stutters out, taking a bite from the onigiri in an attempt to hide his flustered comment.

“Hmm, whatever you say,” Hoshiumi says, backing away from Kageyama, still kinda unsatisfied by the answer.

“GUYS! IT’S TIME TO LINE UP!” Bokuto shouts out, calling the attention of everyone at the park.

________

Hinata has arrived at the scene along with Yachi and Kageyama is nervous. 

Hinata still has a long way to go before he reaches his old partner but Kageyama just couldn’t help it.

His shaky hands fidget on his small little fruit, he doesn’t know what to say… again. What should he say at a time like this?  _ Hey, the surprise is smaller than you?  _ too blunt. _ Boke, fly high? _ Too clichè. _ Have orange?  _ … Boke Kageyama…

It needs to be something meaningful, something Hinata wants to hear, something he’s glad he’s heard. It then hits him like a brick and just as that Hinata snaps him back to reality.

“BAKAGEYAMAAAAA” Hinata greets, eyes filled with energy, practically jumping and the rumbling sound of the oranges heard as he tries to contain himself from plunging to his best friend’s arms.

“OI BOKE” Kageyama gives him a small smile and tries to calm down the orange-head boy.

“YOU HAVE AN ORANGE TOO?” Hinata says a bit too loud and covers his mouth as he hears the other people chuckle at his hyper-activeness.

“y-yeah... I need to say something though…” Kageyama stutters out.

“Alright, what is iiiittt?” Hinata drags out the last words as he puts the oranges in the box he is holding, eyebrows raised in anticipation.

Kageyama takes a deep breath, for some reason his heart is pounding through his chest. He has no particular reason as to why, his palms are all clammy and he hates it 

_ “The sun is going to shine brighter today,”  _

________

Kageyama stands on the side as the last two members of MSBY give their speeches and finally the long-awaited proposal of Miya Atsumu. He notices the bright and giddy Bokuto as he gives his little orange a name. 

“heY, HEY, HEY, SHO-CHAN~ MEET MR. ORANGE, TAKE CARE OF HIM OKAY? YOU WILL BE A GREAT PARENT~~” Bokuto excitedly sing-songs to an equally excited Hinata. Hinata takes the orange and Bokuto leaves the scene with a huge smile on his face. Akaashi awaits him with arms stretched out front, gesturing a hug, which Bokuto runs to take.

Kageyama’s gaze softens at the cute sight. He lays his sight on the next person right after Bokuto, Sakusa Kiyoomi. In an instant, he knows that Sakusa isn’t healthy. He seems… pale, weak…  _ wait, pale and weak? _

_ Is it an Icarus that flew too close to the sun? _

He takes into notice that whatever Sakusa says, it’s too soft and quiet to hear by everyone else. It looked like more of a whisper than actually talking to Hinata. This concerns Kageyama, he’s never seen the wing spiker so… weak. 

Sakusa then leaves as well, weakly, but in a way that he’s conscious of what he looks like or how he walks like. Atsumu clears his throat, catching the attention of everyone. He’s holding a bouquet of orange ambrosia.

“Shoyou, for the past three years of my life, it has been the best of the best it’s been the best since I met you at Nationals that day. I just want you to know that you were the best thing that happened to me besides volleyball and I love you with all my heart” At the start of the speech, Kageyama notices how Sakusa’s face scrunches up in contortion and pain. He decides to observe the wing spiker instead of the proposal before him.

Maybe it was a way to distract him from getting hurt.

“Please continue to be my Ambrosia, my eternal love. The love that lasts forever and a day after. Shoyou…” Atsumu starts to kneel on one knee and everyone starts to freak out, trying hard not to make a noise by gripping each other’s clothes. Atsumu glares at the crowd and it effectively makes the noise die down.

“I wanna be your Ambrosia too, Hinata Shoyou. Will you marry me?” Everyone has their eyes wide open for Hinata’s answer. Kageyama sees Sakusa takes a deep breath, hand covering the mask shadowing his mouth.

“Yes, Tsum-Tsum” 

Everyone rejoices and finally lets out the noise as Hinata and Atsumu share a hug. Relief washing over all of their faces at the fear the Hinata might have the audacity to reject Atsumu, they congratulate the couple and soon start to take their leave as some of their schedules don’t permit a celebratory dinner.

Sakusa starts to take his leave It seemed that he was a bit too weak to last long as both Osamu and Suna instantly try to assist him. Osamu mutters something not heard at the distance Kageyama is at. Sakusa seems to glare at the younger twin and says something.

_ The sun shines brighter today. _

________

Being Hinata’s best man isn’t exactly what Kageyama had in mind.

He stands at the altar, to represent as the best man of his  _ best friend _ . The best friend that was currently jumpy, who’s hands are in the hands of another setter, a setter that wasn’t him.  _ A setter that was never him _ .

He takes into account Sakusa’s condition who was at the other side of the altar to represent Atsumu’s Best Man. Sakusa seems even more sickly than before, Kageyama wonders how on earth is Atsumu not seeing that Sakusa is not breathing properly?

“To those that object the unification of this couple, speak now or forever hold your peace,” 

Both he and Sakusa feels like speaking up, create some drama, and say they object. They both object, but they stay silent. The priest continues, “Do you, Miya Atsumu, take Hinata Shoyou, as your spouse, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and cherish until death do you part?”

“I do, Shoyou,” Atsumu smiles, making Hinata jump higher and smile bigger. 

The priest smiles at the sight, he continues, “Do you, Hinata Shoyou, take Miya Atsumu, as your spouse, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish until death do you part?”

“I do, Atsumu,”

And just like that, the wedding is done. The kiss is shared and everyone rejoices, congratulating the two and finally heading to the reception area. He was one of the last ones to leave, Kageyama wanted to know for sure what on earth Sakusa is dealing with, he hides behind one of the pillars.

He hears it.

The cough, and the vomiting sounds. Kageyama doesn’t need to look at what exactly Sakusa was vomiting at.

_ Perhaps he fell in love with Icarus instead? _

_________

Kageyama was cooking dinner when it happened. 

He hears his phone ring from the couch in the living room. The setter wipes off the spices that coated his hand on a kitchen towel and he follows the sound till he sees the thing making noise. Kageyama's eyes fall out of his eye sockets at the sight of the Caller ID. 

_ It’s from Hinata. _

His hands get all fidgety and make unnecessary taps on the phone and answer the call. 

“Hello?” Kageyama says, trying to sound as normal as possible like he didn’t have a mental breakdown on how to answer a phone.

He hears sniffles, “K-kageyam-ma-a” Hinata’s voice croaks out, it sounds like he’s been crying for hours now. Kageyama is suddenly very concerned for the well being of Hinata, he’s never like this. His heart pinches itself at hearing of how broken the boy is.

_ Did Atsumu hurt you? _

Kageyama decides to act cold, indifferent to Hinata’s obvious state, “Boke, why do you—“

“Saku-usa…. He’s [INAUDIBLE]” Hinata tries to muster up the courage but the latter end of the sentence seems to be just garble and gibberish. Kageyama’s face starts to scrunch. 

“He’s what, boke? Use your words” The setter sighs, slightly annoyed with how the small boy is reacting. 

“He has han-nahaki…” Hinata starts again, Kageyama hums in response. His breath hitches at the next words of the tangerine boy, “He’s d-dea-ad,”

_ The sun started to falter when you weren’t looking. _

________

Kageyama gave no thought as to what he felt during the burial, he just felt the heaviness. He’s at the funeral of his former opponent that died because he felt love. He stood beside Hinata who’s tears have been falling non-stop. 

_ Does he know? _

They all stand at the hill that was freshly buried. Hinata just wouldn’t stop crying, Atsumu on the other hand, only has puffy eyes. The blond boy looks to Kageyama, he doesn’t know how to comfort Hinata, the look on Atsumu’s eyes were screaming, “Please, help me bring him back,” his eyes tried to convey the message to the setter. 

Kageyama nods and thinks of an idea. He taps Hinata on the shoulder, the small boy sniffles more and wipes his eyes before looking up to Kageyama. “Wanna have a rock skipping race? I saw a lake somewhere,” Hinata looks up to Atsumu, eyes pleading with permission. The husband smiles and gives him a quick peck on the forehead before muttering,

“I’ll be at the car if you need me,”

Atsumu gives the two boys a look, he looks at Kageyama who was walking behind Hinata. The blond setter gives the blueberry boy a thumbs up and Kageyama nods.

.

.

.

As they threw rocks to see which technique is going to make their rocks skedaddle through the surface of the lake, Kageyama notices how…  _ quiet  _ Hinata is. He looks to the smaller boy and he sees it. 

The expressionless face, the cold eyes, the pained physique, the eye-bags results in fatigue, and staying up at times he shouldn’t.

_ Was Hinata always this frail? _

He had never seen his partner so… lifeless, so empty, so… nothing, maybe Hinata was just in a bad mood, or that he’s tired, either way, Kageyama doesn’t know how to approach the middle blocker about the topic, or any topic as of the matter. He and Hinata have never talked about other things that didn’t involve volleyball or academics. Both of them wished they could, but Hinata is too focused on becoming like the Little Giant and Kageyama is not over his trauma. Hinata is too lazy for school and Kageyama gives no shit about it. 

_ They both don’t have time. _

How is Kageyama supposed to say it,  _ hey, how are you holding up? Are you good over there? Oi, boke,  _ when it comes to Kageyama, talking was always a problem.

Hinata simply sighs and screams his lungs out as he threw more and more and more rocks. In anger, agony, sadness, pain, and all the things that made Kageyama remind himself that Hinata was indeed human.

_ You were right there and you saw the sun die out. _

_ ________ _

Kageyama’s phone starts beeping out of nowhere once again. At this point, he was used to it. It’s been like this since the passing of Sakusa, it was usually texts where his friends had random theories of how the wing spiker expressed how he felt to Atsumu, and that same person was just too whipped to notice. 

Today, was a bit more lively. The setter opens his phone to him the number of messages he has not read… a total of sixty-four messages in a group chat await him. He notices two names that he’s kind of sick of reading, he assumes that this is a new topic and decides to just call for a summary of what happened

He taps the first message he sees, which was Sugawara. He presses the call button, ringing a few times, he wonders what on God’s name is everyone talking about?

“Kageyama! So glad you called,” Suga answers the call with joy. Kageyama hears the children talking to Suga, prying his attention away from the phone. 

Kageyama looks at the ceiling of his room, “Hello, Sugawara-senpai,”

“Oh, please, just Koushi is fine,” Suga says, Kageyama hesitates at the sudden request of informality from his senior.

“Alright, sug— I mean… Koushi” Kageyama says embarrassingly, Suga seems to find joy in making his little junior suffer a bit and chuckles.

“Hehehe, so why did you call?”

“My phone is booming, and I thought you knew what was happening since everyone seemed to like talking about the two again” Kageyama quickly explains

“Ah. Today is their anniversary” Suga simply explains. Kageyama hears a little BAM! On Suga’s end of the line and him scolding one of the kids.

_ shit. what? _

“oh.” Was all Kageyama manages to say. Suga hums in response. 

“Yeah, I think everyone is talking about how happy they look despite what happened.”

Kageyama says his thanks and ends the call. He immediately heads to Twitter, he types in the words “Miya” and the trending list was the first to popup. He sees the #miya1st and feels his heart sink a little, it still hurt. He didn’t know why. He didn’t choose to understand why.

He finally sees Atsumu’s account, taps it, and is greeted with the pinned tweet. 

_ “Happiest First Anniversary to my Sho-chan! I know a lot of things happened this year but let’s make next year worth it. I love you! #miya1st” _

Kageyama’s eyes unconsciously move downwards to the attached photo. It was Shoyo being hugged by Atsumu along with breakfast in bed. 

He felt like crushing his phone. He didn’t know why. He didn’t know which emotion wanted that; sadness, resentment, or anger.

_ Maybe the sun shines brighter on his own.  _

_ ________ _

Kageyama is pushing past people’s cars, he’s speeding. He curses to himself that he never does this but, he just couldn’t help it. His best friend is hanging by the last string of life. The setter overtakes the cars, cursing at how slow they are and how much a burden they are at times like this. 

He finally arrives at the hospital, sprinting to the Reception Desk.

“Hinata Shoyou or Miya Shoyou” He breathes out, panting. The nurse types in the name and says that he’s in a room and that he’s accepting visitors. Kageyama could care less of what the nurse said, he’s running again. The setter heads to the elevator and presses the number three as one of his hands snakes over his abdomen. 

The elevator finally stops and he’s having the marathon of his life in the hospital. Finding every hallway, looking at each room number. When did the hospital become a fucking maze?

He finally reaches it. He hears a wail, a familiar female voice getting louder and louder as he approaches the room he dreads going to yet take all of his energy to find. 

_ Wait, isn’t that Natsu’s voice? _

Fear seeps in Kageyama’s body. He doesn’t want to think something like this would happen… even to him. He finally enters the room. There was a crowd that surrounds the bed, everyone familiar to him. Everyone he knew, he looked desperately for the person who knew what to say, what to do. Kageyama looked for Hinata. 

He refused to look at the bed, he needed to see Hinata. His eyes land on Natsu, one of the people who seem to have cried the most in the room and Kageyama shook his head in disbelief.

He looked where Atsumu was, Hinata was always next to him, clinging in some way.

Kageyama sees a red-shot puffy-eyed Atsumu alone.

His heart sinks as it lands on the bed finally. He sees that the body was covered with a white blanket and no medical equipment was attached to it. But the hair was poking out and it was enough for him to know who exactly was lying there.

His body sank, it felt like a brick. His hands are gripping tightly to the railings of the bed that keep the patient from falling.

_ How can a person fall, when they’re already at the bottom of it all? _

“How did this happen?” Kageyama croaks out. Daichi seemed like he was the only person strong enough to say it.

“Hanging by the bathroom, Kageyama,”

It was Kageyama’s last straw, every single bit of anger, pain, sadness amplified it volume by three times. He cried, sobbed, tried moving the bed in an attempt to wake the boy he so dearly loved, the boy that laid on the bed dead, the boy that died by his own hands, the boy he once considered a friend.

It was finally Kageyama’s turn to scream.

_ The sun became a white dwarf. _

_ ________ _

Atsumu asked if Kageyama could do the eulogy instead of him. Kageyama of course agreed, he said yes to everything that had something to do with Shoyou, till his last dying breath. So there he was standing at the altar he never expected to stand on so early in his life, trembling. Standing in front of people he didn’t want to see in a place like this. The piece of paper he had on his hand, clutched and crumpled all together.

_ I shouldn’t be here, it should’ve been Atsumu, I can’t stand here, not alone, I’m still learning how to fly without you. _

“Kageyama,” a voice calls out.

Kageyama looks up to the gentle call that beckons him. He sees Asahi with his palm facing him. Asahi clutches his hand and releases it. Kageyama knew what it meant. He observes how his hands are vibrating from nervousness, pain, and everything else. He forms his hand into a fist and lets out the pressure and tension living within his hand and releases it.

He takes a deep breath

“He was always the type to blame himself for the events that happened to other people. Maybe he got that from me. He was always the type to see the good in everything else, even when everything else was falling apart. He never gave up in showing that there was good in everything, in everyone. He stood up for the people he loved. He was a worthy person. 

A person I could never compare to. He was the person I aspired to be, not that I told him that though. Maybe I should’ve told him that. Maybe I wasn’t the friend everyone thought he needed. Then he met Atsumu, boy, you could tell that boke was whipped, he wasn’t even trying to hide it at that point. 

The marriage happened, and for once, everything felt right. It felt amazing. The two stood in their world, we were just living in it. He was a human sun, both physical, and emotional. But even suns too at a time will burn out and die.

I don’t know how it all started and I’m the asshole friend that should’ve known that, but I didn’t. He wouldn’t tell me. He couldn’t tell me. I wouldn’t blame him, I didn’t know where to start. 

Hinata was an amazing friend, lover, brother, son to all. I don’t think anyone can disagree with that. And f-for that, he des-serves to rest well and at peace.” Kageyama stops himself before taking another deep breath for composure.

“Hinata, if you ever are here with us in spirit. I hope you shine brighter up there. Shine brighter than the sun for us, for Atsumu, for Sakusa, for everyone. We’ll be waiting for you in the middle of this dreadful night to see your sunrise once again. This is the only race where I didn’t want you to lose at… We’ll see each other once again, Sho… I—

.

.

.

We love you, Shoyou.”

Kageyama stands in front of the lake where he remembered how Hinata screamed and threw rocks the day Sakusa was buried. He crouches down and grabs a rock.

He fidgets with it a little and throws it to the lake. The rock hits the water once and  _ bounces _ . It hits the water the second time and it sinks. Kageyama lets a tear escape.

_ Who knew the sun could be so noisy… Has it always been this silent? _

_ ________ _


End file.
